Monthly Archives: March 2013
Jokes that you hear during Dane Cook’s live performances such as on Laugh Factory – are different from the ones you hear/read on his social networking pages such as Facebook and twitter. Often, you miss his jokes because your friend’s game posts spammed your news feed or you forget to check his page. Nothing to worry about because I’ve spent a lot of time to go through all of Dane Cook’s posts on Facebook and twitter to find you the very best of his jokes.
- Stalk like you’re in love! (This one you can related to what I said above)
- Pushing someone out of your life is rude. Better to draw them a specifically routed map entitled, “Away From Me In 5 Easy Steps Elsewhere.”
- LIKE this if you’ve ever gotten a boner on an airplane and pretended you grew a hazardous item that could bring this whole plane down. (This was shared on his Facebook page and there were more than 20,000 people who Liked the post. (Probably, not all of them would relate to this post, but just thought it was funny.)
- A cute girl that dresses super slutty is adwhorable. (lol – epic!)
- When you go to take a pic but it’s on selfie mode your face always looks like a bloated corpse that washed up on a river bank.
- Sometimes, when you want to make a difference in a person’s life, stay out of it.
- During the Superbowl blackout they played “Who’s in my Mouth?” (Really?)
- You know a dump is massive when you name it and then give a eulogy before you jettison it.
- Imagine a world with no haters. People endlessly fawning over each other. Encouragingly peachy remarks only. How awful. (True that!)
- This bus just discharged so much exhaust that when the smoke finally cleared a magician appeared.
- When I meet a girl that I like, my p***s dilates.
- The problem with dating a country singer is her daddy don’t reckon that fellers worth the pig spit on a convicts mud stuck shoe.
- If you love a girl show her by giving her a donkey hug.
- You know that moment when everything just feels right with the world & you know you’re on your path? THAT is when you’re f****d.
- Practice what you tweetch.
- It sucks when you are having young hot s*x & you randomly think of elderly people naked floating around a space station.
- Differences dating a white or black woman. A black woman calls you on your bs SAME DAY. A white woman STABS YOU 28 times as part of a 7 month resentment package.